One in 15 Dutch people is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, according to the 2018 LGBT Monitor. Yet often enough it is far from obvious that one's sexual orientation or gender identity is accepted. Some therefore choose to remain silent about it. Coming Out Day helps to change this: it is a day of attention for lhbtiqa+ people. "Any day that makes others aware of the importance of being able to be yourself, regardless of your sexual orientation or gender identity, is valuable," says Roos Hijner. She is a labor & organization consultant at our hospital.

Protesters shouting intimidating texts and more than 5,000 police officers who sometimes gave a threatening rather than protective impression. In Belgrade last month, Roos Hijner experienced that acceptance of lhbtiqa+ people still has a long way to go. The UMC Utrecht employee was in the Serbian capital to participate in EuroPride. The labor & organization consultant is attracted to women.

Rainbow colors

Roos: "I carried a bag with rainbow colors. Because of the attitude of some protesters, another participant advised me to wear the bag under my coat. The organization of EuroPride had also given imperative guidelines on how to safely experience the event and get home safely. For example: make sure you have an alternative story when a stranger asks why you are in Belgrade and you feel you have to answer. Another piece of advice was: if you wear makeup in rainbow colors, remove it from your face afterwards. Very intense of course: I participate in a Pride because I am proud of who I am and because I want to come out for who I am, but in the meantime it is risky to do that."

Important and unfortunate

The experiences reinforce Roos in her view that Coming Out Day, held every year on Oct. 11, remains an important and necessary initiative. "On the one hand, it is good that this international day is celebrated annually. Among other things, Coming Out Day contributes to awareness of who you are: for some it is a push to start being open about it. It can also contribute to increasing visibility and start conversation about lhbtiqa+ acceptance. By paying attention to it as an organization, it can also contribute to being a nice place to work - for everyone. On the other hand, I think it’s unfortunate that this day is still needed, that lhbtiqa+ is not seen everywhere as something that just belongs. I don't think I need someone's approval to feel love for my girlfriend."

Be who you are

Roos advises everyone to "be themselves as much as possible." Even at work. "For example, when I introduce myself to a new colleague at the UMC Utrecht, I want to be able to say without fear or shame that I live with my girlfriend in Utrecht. In our organization, I have never had the idea that lhbtiqa+ people are not allowed to be there or that it should not be named. You can be who you are."

Inclusive language

Still, is there anything that she feels could be improved at UMC Utrecht? "A vital organization is inclusive and diverse. I think it would be good - as an organization in which we strive to make everyone feel welcome, at home, heard and seen - to look at the use of language for patients and employees. Specifically, can we come up with more inclusive language?"

Recognizing

Roos gives an example: "For example, why use 'he' frequently when many people do not identify as male? Also consider that 'he' and 'she' do not always suffice. Some people do not feel at home in the categories 'man' or woman' and would like to be addressed with 'them'. Language has the power to include and exclude. We must be aware of this function of language and, as much as possible, choose to use words in which everyone recognizes themselves. Inclusive language begins with listening to the person with whom or about whom one is speaking."

Her own coming-out

How is Roos experiencing Coming Out Day? "For me, it's not a very different day than usual, but I do post about it on Instagram. Last years I noticed that this started conversations. For example, people asked me: how was your coming-out anyway?"

Courtship

Rose then tells interested parties that at home she wasn’t open about it until she was first in a relationship with a woman. "I was about seventeen when I had my first girlfriend. Through MSN, I told one of my sisters that she was going to see a certain girl, who had been at our house ‘as a friend’ over the weekend, more often in the near future because we were dating. Together with my sister, I came up with a plan to tell my parents by letter that I was - at the time – attracted to women. I put the letter on their pillows that night."

Hugs

Roose continues: "I went to my room and waited in suspense. A few minutes later my mother knocked on my bedroom door: Roos dear, you can't expect to share such news with us and not talk about it. This led to an extraordinary conversation in which my father complimented me on how well I had described it and that he had seen a program about a successful, lesbian businesswoman. I believe he meant to say that my orientation would not have to get in the way of a career. From my mother I got mostly hugs and the affirmation that she is happy as long as I am happy."

Unique talents

Lhbtiqa stands for: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer/questioning and asexual/aromantic. The subsequent "+" indicates that the term is inclusive for people who call themselves different from what these letters stand for. Roos: "There are many positive developments in the Netherlands in the acceptance of lhbtiqa+ people, but we are not there yet as long as there is discrimination in terms of love, gender identity or expression. At UMC Utrecht, together we can ensure that we are an academic hospital where all patients, staff and students feel recognized and where there is room for every person with unique talents that add value to good care, education and research."

Listening without judgment

Roos emphasizes, "You too can contribute to everyone feeling welcome and able to be themselves - in and outside the UMC Utrecht. By showing genuine interest, asking open questions and listening without judgment. This year on October 11, take a moment to remember that sometimes the words you say or write can make all the difference. For example, I love the fact that young children or adolescents today are more likely to ask a question like 'Are you in love?' than to ask - to me as a woman - 'Do you have a boyfriend?' or - very occasionally - 'A girlfriend?'"